Monday, November 20, 2006

How CIA stole Oracle from the Russians

Dear readers,

At the UKOUG conference in Birmingham last week, the OakTable got a new member - Kurt van Meerbeeck from Belgium - the author of DUDE, Pepi and Pretoria, and a guy with a slight hint of humour.

His presentation had people laughing rather hard, and so I've chosen to publish his theory on Oracle's origin - in other words, how CIA stole the source code from the Russians, who had developed it originally!

Here we go, in Kurt's own words:

-------------------------------------------------------------------
I believe, to truely understand X$ tables you need to have some basic knowledge of an eastern european language ... just to even pronounce them. Now - Oracle used to be named after a CIA project right ?

And Oracle hasexisted ... for how long now... 31 years ?

I think the Americans stole the source code from the Russians during the cold war - and asked Larry and his team to read in the tape (they were developing tape driver software weren't they).

Probably they were expecting some list of agents and I can imaging the CIA was quite dissapointed when they saw this source code full of X$ garble.

I guess they told Larry he could keep the tapes and on he went revealing this relational database power... of course they couldn't use the X$ stuff so they wrote V$ views on top of them ... so people could understand...

It's not a coincidence that after the fall of the Berlin wall a *lot* of features were added - Oracle 6 was almost a complete rewrite !!!

So to end this - and you are probably wondering about this ... how come Jonathan Lewis is such a wiz in X$ tables ???

There's only one explanation - MI6 ! His codename was probably OO-600 ... with a license to kill your instance ;-) (math-teacher ... yeah - right !)
-------------------------------------------------------------------

Perhaps it should be pronounced 006-hundred?

14 Comments:

Blogger Dimitri Gielis said...

Congratulations to Kurt! I think he's the first Belgian Oaktable member!

Somebody else to meet in my Quest to meet all Oaktable members and have a picture with them ;-)

Great story btw... I think Mogens is also a Russian! The way he can drink ;-)

4:39 AM  
Blogger Moans Nogood said...

Which reminds me I should tell Tuomas Pystynen's story about The Russian Drinking Contest.

I'll do that right now.

5:18 PM  
Blogger Noons said...

Hey Moans:
http://www.espacovital.com.br/novo/Unusual_Speed_Control_Idea.wmv

Dude, you Danes ROCK! :-)

2:56 AM  
Blogger Alex Gorbachev said...

The Russian Drinking Contest rocks!

12:04 PM  
Blogger Howard J. Rogers said...

xzxAs proof of this theory, I have always been fond of pointing out to students how they can find out the current position of their redo block pointer by querying X$KCCCP.

If you were born some time before 1991, you will no doubt immediately recognise CCCP as the Russian initials for 'Soyuz Sovietski Socialistisheski Respublici'... or, as we would call it, USSR.

They weren't very subtle about it, were they?!

1:06 PM  
Blogger Alex said...

Moans, I forgot to ask you how this fits into the GCC theory

7:11 AM  
Blogger Moans Nogood said...

Ah, Howard, that is one brilliant recall from your side - I had forgotten about CCCP, although I learned a Hell of a lot about it during my military years.

More importantly I remember 'CCCP' from my years of collecting stamps.

Those were the years when the Russians and the nations they had invaded consistenly came out with many, many shiny and beautiful stamps, while the West kept doing their boring, sort of dusty-colored stuff (if colored at all).

CCCP it was. Forever.

Now, my Russian friend Alex Gorbachev: It is now your turn to re-tell the story you told me about cleaning car windows on a Lada 1200.

That story had me laughing all the way home from Birmingham the other week.

As for the GCC, I must admit that the sheer magnitude of the thing:

The way they planned to take over all our databases ('all your bases are belong to us' is not what we thought) four decades down the road.

The way they have planned all along to poison leading DBA's (Dissidents Beyond Apprehension?).

It's shocking. And there's nothing we can do, except install the Oracle Vault option (in which there no doubt is a back door for the FSB).

3:14 PM  
Blogger Alex Gorbachev said...

In the right time after the right amount of right liquid that story will probably surface again.
Darn... I wouldn't mind cleaning those windows just now... ;)

10:26 PM  
Blogger pandorasell said...

Clip flees and this Chrismas costs buy pandora jewelery coming near. Surprise! Most belated cheap pandora jewelery at Discount Price I plan to explore the net because an allow Christmas gift discount pandora jewelery .In the online search appendage, I unexpectedly read a rattling occupying pandora bracelets and unbelievable story, and I hence besides chose pandora silver bracelets blimey Christmas Day empowers.A-list gross revenue from colligates from london sweetheart cheap pandora bracelets Decades ago in London, a small restaurant enjoyed good business concern and attacted a lot returned discount pandora bracelets buyers.called for to express thanks to these pandora bracelets sale ,

8:35 AM  
Blogger Jason said...

seasons, he winter bootswas hired as head coach of the Charlotte Hornets, he live up to Ecco Casual Shoes expectations.

4:38 PM  
Blogger chenlina said...

chenlina20150602
jordan retro 13
coach outlet store online
fitflops clearance
cheap jerseys
polo outlet
polo outlet
michael kors outlet
oakley sunglasses wholesale
jordan 6
coach outlet store online
louis vuitton handbags
coach factory outlet
fake watches
coach factory outlet
mont blanc pens
coach canada outlet
red timberland boots
michael kors
hollister
soccer jerseys
michael kors outlet online
coach outlet
ray ban sunglasses
kate spade handbags
ray ban sunglasses
hollister jeans
new lebron james shoes
air jordans
chanel outlet online
michael kors
discount oakley sunglasses
oakley vault
cheap nfl jerseys
tod's shoes
coach outlet store online
chanel uk
ralph lauren outlet
polo outlet
abercrombie and fitch
lebron 11
as

8:41 PM  
Blogger Taibai Li said...

qihang0604true religion sale
christian louboutin outlet
kate spade uk
michael kors
tory burch outlet
chanel outlet
coach outlet
michael kors handbags
replica watches
michael kors handbag
tory burch outlet online
ray ban sunglasses
cheap jerseys
kate spade outlet online
ray ban uk
oakley sunglasses wholesale
fitflops outlet
coach outlet
prada outlet
air max 95
cheap oakley sunglasses
burberry sale
ray ban sunglasses
michael kors outlet online
kate spade
oakley sunglasses
q

7:46 PM  
Blogger Lin Huang said...

prada uk
christian louboutin
caoch outlet
mulberry uk
pandora charms
coach factory outlet
prada
louis vuitton
coach factorty outlet
michael kors
burberry outlet online
fendi
christian louboutin outlet
louis vuitton
oakley sunglasses wholesale
coach factory outlet
abercrombie
coach outlet
kobe bryant shoes
jordan 3
fitflops
hollister clothing
michael kors outlet online
jeremy scott adidas
abercrombie fitch
jordan 11 gamma blue
ray ban glasses
louis vuitton outlet
coach outlet stores
louis vuitton handbags
polo ralph lauren
michael kors outlet
hollister kids
oakley sunglasses
jordan 11
true religion
michael kors handbags
oakley sunglasses cheap
jordan 11 gamma blue
jordan 13
caihuanglin20150618

6:30 PM  
Blogger Meiqing Xu said...

15711meiqing
red christian louboutin
michael kors handbags
louis vuitton outlet
hollister jeans
hollister clothing store
chanel uk
gucci outlet online
cheap jerseys
cheap nfl jerseys
burberry handbags
coach outlet
coach outlet
jordan 13
coach outlet store online
timberland pro
christian louboutin outlet
cheap lululemon
louis vuitton
abercrombie & fitch new york
burberry outlet
jeremy scott adidas
michael kors outlet
cheap jerseys
louis vuitton handbags
hermes birkin
mulberry handbags
burberry outlet
cheap air max
cheap oakley sunglasses
jordan retro 3
toms outlet
michael kors handbags
tory burch outlet online
toms shoes
ralph lauren polo shirts
toms outlet
michael kors handbags
red timberland boots
tods outlet
coach outlet online

6:56 AM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home